Ever since about seventh grade, I remember being depressed. And, yes, this could’ve happened for many reasons. Puberty, stress from schoolwork, issues with friends, relationships, there were a lot of factors. But one thing remained the same: I didn’t want to feel this way. And, since I was young when I first started getting depressed, I just kind of blew it off, like, eh it’s just a phase. It’ll pass.
I now realize that my main reason for staying depressed for so long, was that I had been told to blow it off. I was told, multiple times, by multiple different people, that feeling like this was just a phase. That I would get over it. And then there was the occasional, “you’re just overreacting!” Or my personal favorite, “just try not to let things bother you so much.”
Well. Let me tell you. Being a Scorpio, I was (and still am) a very emotional person. I feel things with a ferocity that no other sign does. So when I was told to just “get over it” and that I was supposedly letting things get to me too much, it made me thing something was wrong with me. I spent so much time worrying about not feeling, that I forgot something important.
I was born a Scorpio. I was born the way I was born and there wasn’t anything I could do to alter that. The things around me may have been causi f me stress and depression, but letting those emotions control me wasn’t going to help, and neither was ignoring them.
It was only this year that I fully came to terms with who I am how my mind works, what sets me off, those kinds of things. And that was crucial. Because in getting to know myself, I relaized that my life could be so much better if I knew why I acted, and felt the way I did.
I had often referred to myself as a Phoenix. And I still do. A Phoenix doesn’t just die, or get defeated. It gets defeated, and it comes back, and continues to live. I refer to myself as a Phoenix because I’ve decided that instead of letting negative events and feelings tear me down, I’m going to take them one step at a time, and continue. That’s what the Continuation Project is. It’s my way of telling myself that it’s okay to feel this much, and that difficult things are still going to happen, but I have to make sure I analyze it and learn something from it, instead of letting it consume me. I have to continue.