One Step at a Time

The first step is always the most difficult. Whether it’s beginning a new diet, or job, or even the first step in something more personal- helping yourself to become a better person by eliminating negative relationships. The first step is often the hardest because of the uncertainties and fears of the choice or change coming into your life. But once you realize you’re doing what’s best for yourself, the first step becomes the most important one you’ve ever taken. Just like a baby taking its first wobbly walk across the living room, what you want to change isn’t going to just happen over night. The process is going to be slow, but nonetheless the outcome will be worth the journey. 

At the end of last year, I had come across a rut in the road- or rather, a giant boulder obstructing my view of the life I wanted. This boulder was someone who I thought was my best friend. We did everything together, from writing songs and performing, to laughing at funny cat videos on YouTube and crying over boys. We knew all each other’s secrets. But over time, the true nature of a person will reveal itself, no matter how well you think you know them. Our friendship started at the beginning of junior year, and came to a grinding halt at the end of this one.

When I realized this relationship was toxic, months after my other friends had tried to unsuccessfully get me to see it I knew I had to do something about it. But the question was, was I just supposed to cut her off entirely? Or should I try to get her to see my side and try to work things out?

I had decided to take the latter option. I took my time to get her to realize what she was doing. I confronted her on multiple occasions, but still there was no change. And that’s perfectly okay. Well, kind of. If the person doesn’t change after you’ve told them upfront about their problems, then you have to realize that this person might not really be a true friend. And it’s perfectly okay to take this person out of your life. 

Another problem was that I was worried about hurting her. I wanted to help myself, but I didn’t want to lose my best friend. In life, that has always been hard for me. I don’t like to hurt people so I often would just let them use me. It was at this point that I realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated like this. You do not deserve to be treated like this. Make sure that when you’re trying to pick which road to travel, you think of yourself first. It’s important to make other people happy, but you always come first.

The balance between keeping yourself and others happy was a harsh realization for me. I now realize that even though I love helping people, and keeping people happy, I come first. If I’m uncomfortable, it’s my job to step up and say so. You do not deserve to be used. Take control of your relationships with people. Eliminate negative people. Keep the beneficial ones close. The ones who inspire you and bring out the best in you. Those are the ones that are going to be there along your journey. The first step may be scary, but it will benefit you greatly along the way.