Hey, guys. I apologize for the wait. But this week’s post is something really important. I’m going to tell you guys the truth.
The truth about me, my life, what goes on in my head. My posts are never quite as personal as this one will be, and I wanted to give it a go. Deep breath.
The truth is that I have been slowly falling back down the hill I had built for myself to climb. I had an image of who I wanted to be, but slowly I’ve begun to fall away from that.
The truth is that I let the people around me -even the ones I claimed to be closest and most important- take over my life. I was focusing on bettering myself by following people’s opinions, than following the best advice I’ve ever gotten: “live your own life and make your own decisions”.
The truth is that after coming out of a relationship that caused me to question everything about myself, I changed. I changed for the better, and in some ways, for the worse. I put my needs above others now. I speak my mind(most of the time, still getting used to that one). I am finding the things that make me, me, and holding them close to my heart. But those are the good things.
The truth is I have also become cold. I have become more knowledgeable about relationships and the power a person can have over you, and now I am guarded. I will still give you my heart, but the urge to flea at the first sign of trouble is overwhelming at times. I am at war in my head constantly, because society and my past has led me to believe such twisted things about relationships and the world.
The truth is that I have learned you can’t trust anyone. Someone can go from your best friend to a stranger all with a single sentence. Someone can lose every ounce of respect for you, just from you making one mistake that they’ve seen to many times before.
The truth is that life is scary and busy and crazy and depressing. People get hurt every day. People die every day. And one day you and I will be gone as well. How do we fix that?
The truth is, you can’t. You can’t stop yourself completely from getting hurt, or else you’re not growing. You can’t stop yourself from dying, it’s only natural.
The truth is you have to live your life fearlessly. If someone tries to break your heart? Tell them you were already whole without them. If you’re sad and angry and frustrated with the world? Let it know. Make your voice heard. If you don’t like the way things are going? Change it. It’s your life.
The truth is that I have been through more than I’d ever wish on anyone. I’ve had countless surgeries since birth, I’ve had my share of painful breakups, and there are times where I have absolutely no idea what the hell I’m doing.
But the truth is, that’s okay. It is totally okay to wander a path with uncertainty. If you don’t like it, you can always change direction, you can always backtrack and follow can new trail.
And the truth is I believe in you. You are going to fall down and you are going to get scraped up, and you are going to shake it off and rise again. You are going to continue no matter what, just like me. We can do this.
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